Running Out of Options

    What do you do when you want to help someone, but they don't want help?

    They suffer and cry, and you feel only a fraction of their pain. When there's noting you can do...what do you do? When you're willing to die for that person, to give up your life like it was nothing, only to be useless to everyone you love around you - it hurts, and it's not anyone's fault because its a problem out of everyone's reach. I thought I was strong, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. I'm not strong enough to help the one's I love, and I'm not strong enough to be strong for them. I hide everything and that's about all I can do. Now I know what it's like to truly suffer - watching someone you love fall apart and no matter how hard you try to help nothing changes. They push you away, and they don't want your help because they feel like a burden. My burden is not being able to carry someone else's burden. I can't carry the sky, but I can carry the clouds that cover the sun. I can't save the world, but I can sure as hell try. 

    Gosh I am out of my mind, aren't I? Thinking I can be like God - wanting to save everyone when you know it's impossible. Maybe that's how God feels when he tries to help and no one listens. There's the lesson in this class. To give up - or to keep going. I'm pretty sure if God had given up, he would have destroyed the earth a long time ago and none of us would be here today. If he can keep hoping - so can I. Though, he already knows everything. I just have to keep trusting him no matter how hard it gets. He's a pretty good teacher, and so far I may be failing but that doesn't mean I can't try to bring my grade up. There's still time, but time always runs out. My strength is failing, so I'm going to have to rely on Him to get me through. Tutoring every day sounds good. Maybe talking to him more often would help as well. I'm running out of options, and like every other human on this earth, I become so stubborn that I turn to him when all other options run out. Thank God for his mercy. 

    God wants to carry my burden just like I want to carry other's. Why is it so hard to do? Maybe it's because I'm so stubborn. The stubborn are so hard headed it's unreal. I should know, I've had a thick skull for years. I still wonder how long it's going to take for this lesson of priorities to get through my head. I should always go to Him first. Why I use up all other options first - that's a mystery that a child could solve. Guess I've got more to learn than I thought.