Beauty of the Rain

    Have you ever seen a city so dreary? Overcast, raining, no hope for a sun. The lights are a bit dimmer even though its dark out. I look again. No, it's more grey. The rain danced on the cement as it wandered to a drain. My hands and feet are warm from the hot chocolate I was sipping on. The candle I lit gave off the only light in the room as it burned all alone. I opened a window to let some air in. The rain gave a sense of rhythm and it soothed me. The walls are blank. Everything's blank. The floor, the sky, the windows, my journal, my mind, my heart, my soul. I spaced out for just a little while, feeling the memories flood back - memories that should be forgotten. 

    I screamed like fire was in my blood stream. Like the world was ending. Like I was dying...because inside I was. Everything inside of me ached and I screamed for it to end. I wanted all of it gone. The memories, the pain, the loss, the grief, the pretend love, everything. Gone, forever. I curled into a ball on my bed and cried. Going deeper and deeper into myself and never wanting to get out. 

    It was only a thought. A dream - no - a nightmare. Is this how I'm always going to be on the inside? Let hatred rule over me? Let the pain, suffering, and the rain drown me? No. I can't let it win. This is a test I have to pass for my future to be worth living. I can't survive or die for myself - I would never make it. Dying for another? That's not surviving, its living. Even if I never make something earthy of myself - go to college, start a career, get a house, marry - then at least I will be worth remembering as someone who was a candle for others, even when they didn't deserve it. 

    It's getting darker outside, and still it continued to rain. The lights were getting dimmer and dimmer, and soon they would only be a glow in the night. It's funny when you start to think about why you're on this earth, you also start thinking about what really matters. I guess that's the beauty of the rain. The sun always shines the brightest after the rain has passed, and sometimes you're lucky enough to see it rain with the sunshine out. Now isn't that worth seeing.